Ever find yourself meeting everyone else’s needs and not your own? Or finding that when you do take time to care for yourself, there is a nagging voice in your head telling you to prioritise everything else on your to do list? Feel guilty when you take care of yourself? You could benefit from mindfulness for putting yourself first.
Without taking care of your own needs, you cannot recharge. Eventually you risk burning out, then you cannot take care of anyone else. Mindfulness for self-care can help you understand what you need to show up the way you want for others.
Midlife can be a wonderful time for reflection. Many women report a conscious stepping back from their focus on others, and a growing awareness of their own needs. The menopause can be a terrific time for letting go of ideas, emotions, and behaviours that no longer serve you. And it is a fine opportunity to accept yourself for who you are, and to embrace changes.
Some of the problems that can arise with taking time for yourself include:
- Feeling guilty because you ‘should’ be doing other things
- Internal pressure to be productive all the time, ‘busy’, sometimes as an escape from difficult feelings
- Associating self-care with selfishness, thinking that you are suiting yourself at the expense of others
- Seeking external approval – so you only feel good about yourself when you are serving others.
Using mindfulness for putting yourself first
Mindfulness practices help us develop the self-awareness to notice how we talk to ourselves, and how we react automatically to people and situations. As you grow in awareness of your inner voice, it becomes easier to understand what you need to feel good within yourself. Only when you can get a grip on your own boundaries can you effectively enforce them and communicate them to others.
The science of self-care indicates you are less able to handle stressors when you are physically or emotionally depleted. You are simply not as resilient when you do not make time for yourself. Being mindful of your own needs can help prevent the negative consequences of chronic stress.
One of the gifts of mindfulness is that it can help you talk to yourself as your best friend would. You can literally give yourself permission to focus on yourself. Take that yoga class, read that book. Go for a walk. Try The Compassionate Self meditation to help you.
When you are more aware of your own needs, it is easier to identify when you need to say ‘no’ to demands on your time that do not serve you. It is no bad thing to be able to acknowledge your own limits.
Mindful activities that can contribute to your self-care need not be time consuming. A few minutes with a colouring book, a leisurely walk in nature, gratitude journaling, five minutes dancing to your favourite music, calling a friend, or just some time alone, can all help you reconnect with yourself.
Putting yourself first in daily life
Writing in a journal has helped me enormously understand my inner dialogue. It is a daily part of my routine.
And as I make my way through midlife, I also accept that my ‘best’ truly does vary quite markedly from day to day.
One day I researched and wrote a 500-word blog in an hour. Another day I might struggle with the concentration to work out what I needed to know, never mind go and find the answers.
I simply cannot be all things to all people and still. And that if I always look externally for approval, I will never truly be content, or understand what care I need when.
On days that are not going as I would like I find it more valuable than ever to write down what I am thinking. Writing things down slows my mind down – so I get more clarity and less stress. And it creates space for me to ask a question – what would my best friend say?
Invariably my ‘best friend’ is kinder than my unconscious chatter. And talking to myself in this third person helps me be more accepting, more patient, and more flexible in my responses.
My body has also indicated that it is not as tolerant of late nights/poor diet/not enough exercise/insufficient water as it once was. By using mindfulness, I have learned to tune in much better to what I need. Take a moment now to write down one thing you could do today to take care of yourself. If in doubt, try this meditation for kindness to your mind and thoughts. The practice is 11 minutes long.
