The word strive means to make great efforts to achieve something. To ‘struggle or fight vigorously’, according to the Oxford English Dictionary. And given how often we hear about the ‘fight against’ in healthcare, whether it’s cancer or drugs, you might be forgiven for thinking that pain will resolve if you just strive harder. But what if that isn’t the case? What if striving doesn’t help with pain?
Research suggests that pain is to some extent a reflection of how threatening the brain perceives a situation to be. Given pain is a protective mechanism, it’s not unreasonable to conclude that the greater the perceived need for protection, the louder and more prolonged the alarm. With acute pain there may be a direct relationship between the amount of pain and the degree of injury. Chronic pain, however, presents a more complex picture. The stress and anxiety induced by striving to reduce chronic pain may make things worse.
And there’s something else in this struggle to reach a certain outcome – you are pinning your hopes on being able to control the future. If I do X, you will give me Y. What if the world doesn’t work like that? What if there are some things – like chronic pain – for which we cannot guarantee a certain outcome to a certain timeframe?
Non-striving to help with pain
The answer is the opposite of striving – non-striving. This does not mean giving up. But it does mean being prepared to practise without expecting a guarantee of an outcome.
The mindfulness attitude of non-striving invites you to be with what is, and practise meditation, for example, without wanting your experience to be anything other than what it is.
If you want a garden, you can prepare the ground and plant and tend to the seeds, but you cannot guarantee the fruit. So it is with mindfulness.
Non-striving can help with pain in a number of ways.
- It takes stress off whatever you are doing, because you are not burdening yourself with the tension of wishing things were different.
- You no longer experience the distress that comes from wanting things to be different and being disappointed when they are not.
- Maintaining a ‘striving’ attitude is hard for your body. The very energy you might want to divert to repairing tissues, for example, is used to keep you in ‘fight’ mode.
- A ‘struggle’ mind-set can also keep your stress response activated, keeping cortisol high, which slows down wound healing.
- You get to drop the frustrations of being in pain – frustrations which are understandable but may be unhelpful in terms of recovery.
Five ways to practice non-striving
Focusing on peace and calm is easier said than done – but its opposite embeds pain further.
Here are five ways you can bring more non-striving to your daily life.
- Consciously welcome whatever comes, however uncomfortable and unwelcome. You might set an intention for each day to welcome whatever happens as though it’s exactly what you intended. Assume you are exactly where you are meant to be.
- Think of things you already do in a non-striving way. Do you have a hobby you do for its own sake? Something you enjoy for its own sake, not because you are trying to get anywhere. It might be something you do you are not good at. But you do it anyway – because it brings you joy. Do more of it. And bring that attitude to your pain.
- Do you find yourself ‘fighting’ in your head, frustrated with your pain? See if you can put the frustration down. A STOP practice can be helpful in allowing you to do this. There’s some audio guidance here.
- Take the things you are already doing to manage your pain, and view them in a different light. If, for example, you are going for a walk every day, see it as an act of nurturing yourself. An act of self-care, in and of itself. Drop any thoughts of what it needs to deliver for you or where it will take you in the future.
- When you are confronted with strong feelings or emotions, try non-doing. Try sitting with what is, in silence, and without any need to react or take action. Allow the ‘fight’ to rise and fall like a wave. Maybe get curious about your sensations – what colour are they, what shape, do they move or stay still? Ask whatever questions come to your mind in the spirit of being with the pain, however unwelcome.
The more you practice non-striving, the less you will find frustration and struggle being your default positions. When you make room for more peace and calm, you may also find it easier to achieve your goals. The outcomes you want can arrive unbidden, without the battle.
If you think mindfulness might help you, I’d love to chat. Please get in touch for a complimentary consultation.
And sign up for my regular emails, as understanding more about why you get chronic pain is one way to reduce it.
