Letting go is one of the seven attitudes of mindfulness. To reduce stress by letting go, cultivate the ability to be non-attached, to accept what is. And put aside your tendency to grasp at things you want, and push away those you don’t.
Replaying past hurts, habitually ruminating over thoughts and feelings, can help you feel better. It can create a sense of control, certainty, even superiority. And it can help you avoid difficult feelings, especially those associated with sadness, grief, and loss. But it is ultimately unproductive, and can lead to chronic stress, insomnia, procrastination, anxiety, and depression.
Reduce stress by letting go – nature can guide you
The animal and the plant kingdoms understand letting go. It is fundamental to how they operate. Plants recognise that there is a season to drop their leaves, a season to produce fruit, a season to die back, and another to produce green shoots. You will not find plants complaining about the sunshine, or the wind. Or the rain.
Similarly, animals understand that there comes a time to let their young go and fend for themselves. If birds feel fear, they need to let it go when they take off for that first flight.
And you, too, have regular practices of letting go. You let go of one breath to allow the next. You let go when you fall asleep. If this is a problem for you, try this Soothing Rhythm Breathing.
Knowing what you value and what you want
Try pushing against a wall, something that will not move. See how long before your arms and shoulders ache. Then try holding something like a book right in front of your face. Again, notice how long before your arms begin to hurt. And observe what you can, or cannot pay attention to, when you hold on too tight.
Sometimes you get locked in rumination because it helps you avoid answering difficult questions. What do you want in your life? What is on your bucket list? What do you aspire to be? What are your ambitions? What motivates you? These are not always easy questions to ask, but they are worth your time to explore. It is easier to move on from procrastination when you know which direction you are moving towards.
Five ways to practice letting go
- Do some exercise. Getting your body moving will often help your mind get unstuck, too.
- Forgive yourself (and others). If you find that what you are holding on to involves past hurts, forgive. This is a process, not a decision, and it does not mean you forget what happens, or that you agree with it. But it does create the space for you to move forwards.
- Set aside time. If you are holding on to something or someone you have lost, set aside time to feel the emotion. Use meditation to help you sit quietly with whatever feelings arise, and see if you can let them be, without judgement. Sometimes you might fear that if you sit with a difficult emotion, it will overwhelm you. Counter-intuitively, if you really sit with it, without fighting it, the emotion can then rise and fall away, without consuming you.
- Make something. Practice a hobby, cook, bake, stitch, knit, paint. Get creative. Engaging different parts of the brain can help you integrate difficult thoughts and feelings in a more productive way. Leaving you calmer to see your way forwards.
- Phone a friend. Human beings are social animals, so make that phone call you have been putting off. Connect to others. Allow the social interaction to loosen your hold on rumination and make space for new insights and awareness.
It takes time to understand letting go. Be gentle with yourself, be patient. You do not have to have all the answers today. Use this meditation, on forgiveness for yourself and others, as part of your practice in letting go.
