You know instinctively when you are not being listened to. And to be fair, most of us on occasion do not listen to others as well as we might. Too preoccupied with your own thoughts, multitasking, waiting your chance to talk rather than acknowledging the other person. When you are not present, you can come across as not interested, or not caring. Leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings. Mindful communication can help you avoid these pitfalls.
Mindfulness is defined as being aware in the present moment, without judgement. Being undistracted when you listen to and communicate with others, you are better able to empathise, pick up verbal and non-verbal cues, and be more sensitive to different points of view.
Research has shown that an eight-week mindfulness course can help couples not only reduce stress and anxiety but reduce and prevent conflict. There’s a positive correlation between being mindful and your ability to regard your partner non-judgmentally, behave more responsibly towards one another, and navigate the challenges of being married with more grace (source Mindful Relating).
How mindful communication helps
Mindfulness has been shown to increase emotional intelligence and resilience. It strengthens the parts of your brain that view situations rationally, so you are less likely to respond to view a communication as a personal attack.
With mindfulness you are less likely to overreact. The part of your brain that governs emotional reactions to stress, such as anger, shrinks with regular practice. Studies suggest mindfulness increases your self-control.
The links between the parts of your brain that understand your perspective, and those that help you understand another’s point of view, also get stronger. So, you are better able to empathise.
And mindfulness practice has been shown to enhance memory and learning, so it improves your ability to listen and to understand (source Science DIrect).
10 ways to practice communicating better
There are many ways for you to use formal and informal mindfulness skills to enhance your communication.
- Practice single tasking – get into the habit of doing one thing at a time, so you learn to pay close attention, non-judgmentally. Put down your phone when having a conversation or stop watching TV while listening.
- Learn to listen without interrupting. Get curious about what someone is saying, seek clarification if you do not understand, rather than interpreting from your own perspective.
- Use meditation to help you notice when your own mind has wandered away. Developing awareness of your own thoughts and feelings can help you stop reacting to communication habitually. To help you practice, try this meditation bringing your mind back from thoughts.
- Develop greater awareness of your own words and chose them carefully. Ask whether you would like what you are saying said to you.
- Shift your attention from yourself onto the other person. Often problems with communication arise because you are too preoccupied with your own fears – will you say the wrong thing? Will your facial expression convey a mixed message? Shift your attention to the other person and your own fears can reduce.
- Make a habit of silence within yourself. Walk in silence, eat in silence. Take time to clear your own head before beginning an important conversation.
- Remember to breathe. When you notice your breath, you are in the present moment. Focusing on your breath can help you feel calmer, which in turn helps you bring calmness to others.
- When someone is sharing negative emotions with you, practice being with these feelings, with kindness and compassion, but without needing to fix things. Try this meditation on letting go of fixing if you find this difficult.
- Make direct eye contact, as this helps you be present and be more alive to non-verbal cues, such as body language, gestures, and facial expressions.
- Practice putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Mindful communication is simple, but not easy. It takes time, but you can teach yourself to be an observer of your thoughts, so you can stop habitual reactions and listen and communicate better in the present moment. To support you, here is a guided meditation on developing calm, clarity and confidence. It is 10 minutes long.
Mindfulness tip: when in doubt, remember to breathe.
