Hands up, who is their own worst critic? Do you judge yourself more harshly than others would? Or are you surprised, sometimes, by how much more forgiving and generous others can be? It is easy to think that to achieve your goals, you must be hard on yourself. Mindful self-compassion suggests there is another way.
Women go through great changes during peri- and menopause. Mentally as well as physically. You may want to take on a new challenge – start a new business or career, take up a new hobby, move home or country.
Research shows meeting new challenges is easier if you care well for yourself. One study showed that you have less of a problem with hot flashes and night sweats, and with depression, when you are more compassionate to yourself. And mindfulness has been shown to help build the qualities of patience and resilience needed to achieve your goals.
How mindful self-compassion can help
When you are faced with any new situation, it is natural for your mind to be alert for danger. Emotions often regarded as negative, such as anxiety, can just be signs that you are being vigilant. Too much vigilance, however, can stop you moving forwards.
Mindfulness encourages you to see that uncomfortable emotions are normal, and you can handle them. Practising self-compassion can reduce critical judgements of yourself, important because with any new endeavour, not everything will go ‘right’.
Improved concentration and a stronger ability to change perspectives can also be achieved with mindfulness.
Attitudes of mindfulness, like acceptance and non-striving, can help you appreciate each step towards your goal. Enjoying the journey, as they say, not just pushing for the destination.
Achieving new goals takes time and patience. Mindful self-compassion takes the pressure off. You are already good enough; you do not need to be ‘fixed’.
Five ways to build your self-compassion
Here are some ways to bolster your self-compassion, to make it easier to achieve your goals.
- Acknowledge every act of self-care, however small. Every healthy meal, every glass of water, every time you move your body. You are probably already doing more than you think.
- Learn to notice habits of thinking that increase your anxiety and stress. It might be comparing yourself with others, ruminating on past mistakes, or overthinking how to go forwards. If you are finding it hard to know what you are thinking, try a regular habit of writing a journal. When you handwrite, you slow your brain down. To rein in your inner critic, first you must be able to hear it.
- Know your why. When embarking on any new goal or challenge, there are bound to be setbacks. The perseverance to keep going is easier if you have a clear idea of why you are doing what you are doing. Why is it important to you? What do you value that this goal supports? Keep in mind your higher purpose, the bigger picture, will help you deal kindly with yourself during the everyday trials and missteps.
- Find things that anchor you. If you have not tried meditation before, try The Breathing Space as part of your self-care routine. There can be enormous power in ‘non-doing’. Your breath is always with you and so can be used anytime, anywhere, to reduce stress, anxiety, and help you see the next step you can take.
- There are no mistakes, only lessons. Reframe your self-talk to acknowledge that each step taken moves you closer to your goal. Whatever the outcome, you can always learn.
Taking on new challenges, learning new things, requires consistency and persistence. It is easier to bring these qualities to your life if you are compassionate with yourself. Here is a guided practice Cultivating Compassion, to help you towards your goals. It is 14 minutes long.
If you want to know more about how mindfulness can help you achieve your goals, book a free consultation with me.
