What do you mean by acceptance in relation to persistent pain? How is this even possible? How can you be accepting of something so debilitating and unpleasant? Doesn’t this just mean giving up? These and other questions might legitimately be going through your mind in relationship to acceptance and pain. In this article, I will give more information on what is meant by acceptance in relation to reducing persistent pain. And share some ways for you to get started.
Acceptance is one of nine attitudes of mindfulness, qualities you can bring to your daily experience of your life and your world. Acceptance is sometimes misunderstood as passive. But it’s an active response – a conscious decision to accept and acknowledge what is, and to stop fighting what you cannot change. It does not mean you give up trying to improve your situation, and reduce your pain. It means acknowledging that the pain is here, and devote your attention and energy to the next steps you can take, today.
One example of acceptance in practice is told in the Buddhist ‘two arrows’ sutta. In this metaphor, your pain is seen as the first arrow, something all of us experience at some point or other, and which cannot always be avoided. The second arrow is your thoughts and feelings about your pain. Research shows us that expectations and emotions around pain can change your perception of it. Driving pain up or down depending on situation and context. When you resist sensation with thoughts such as ‘why me’ or ‘what did I do wrong’, you unconsciously set up tension that can delay healing and increase discomfort. Acceptance of what is can act to mitigate the second arrow, as your thoughts and expectations are under your control.
Acceptance and reducing persistent pain
There are a number of ways you might bring acceptance to your experience of pain, including:
- Accept that all pain is real, even if you have not been able to get a definitive diagnosis of what has caused your pain. Up to 90 per cent of persistent back pain, for example, is thought to be non-specific ie there is not a clear disease or pathology to be found.
- Even if you know, or think you know, what has caused your problems, likelihood is it is in the past and cannot be changed. When you are in pain is not a time to be blaming yourself for what you did not know, or did not do differently before. The past is the past – best to leave it there.
- Acknowledging your current reality can also help you bring a measure of compassion to yourself – you are doing your best with the skills you have and what you know.
- Understand how your pain affects you, as rarely are two people’s experiences exactly the same. Which also means that the solutions best for you may not be those that worked for someone else. With mindfulness, you become more attuned to trusting yourself, and knowing what the best way forward is for you.
- When you accept your past and your present, it is easier to give your attention to what is the best next step for you right now. Options and possibilities emerge naturally when you stop fighting what is.
Five ways to practice acceptance even when you have pain
Starting where you are and starting with small, achievable goals, are two of the best ways to bring acceptance to pain. You might think – or might have been told – that you have to wait for pain to stop before you can start your recovery. Counter-intuitively, the reverse is often the case. You start making changes in spite of the pain and a reduction in symptoms follows. Here are five simple practices to help you get started.
- Get to know what signals danger and what signals safety for you. These will vary from person to person. It can be useful to use a journal to reflect on what is happening and what you are thinking when your pain is worse and when it is easier. See if you can see patterns relevant to your situation. It might involve relationships, activities, emotional stressors, food and weather. There’s no right or wrong, just you getting curious about your experience.
- Identify a movement or physical activity that you enjoy, that you have time for, and that fits easily into your day. Pace yourself and endeavour to do a little each day, accepting that some days you may be able to do more than others. Research suggests that understanding pain better, and then combining it with active care – something you participate in – is an effective way to reduce persistent pain.
- Take time to do nothing, to sit and breathe. Try The Compassionate Self, a short meditation practice to encourage you to reduce tension and bring kindness to your experience.
- Tune in to your body – notice where you feel tight, tense, and direct your breathing into and out of the physical sensation. You are not trying to change the sensation. If using your breath is too difficult to start with, just acknowledge the sensation, maybe say ‘It is OK, it is already here’. And as best you can, allow it to be.
- Get curious about your pain in a fun way. What colour is it? Is it still or moving? Hot or cold? Deep or surface? Open or closed? If you find it hard to tell, make some notes. Let the answers come to you. Accept what you feel, then set about changing the images. What happens if you change the colour? The depth? The speed?
When it comes to working with pain, rarely is there one size fits all. And there aren’t quick fixes either. Accepting where you are and the legitimacy of your experience, can go a long way to helping you find the right solutions for you.
If you are ready to know more about using mindfulness to reduce pain, please do contact me for a free consultation. And sign up to my regular emails, as understanding more about pain is one way to reduce yours.
