The writer Mark Twain once wrote that: ‘kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see’. It is a behaviour marked by generosity – offering consideration, assistance, and concern for others. Without regard for praise or reward in return. What would it mean to turn this attitude towards yourself? To bring kindness to your own experience, even when you are dealing with chronic pain?
There’s a common misconception that making progress means being hard on yourself. If you keep pressurising yourself, you will stay motivated. What if that wasn’t the case? What if research shows that greater self-compassion and flexibility of thinking – a more open and accepting awareness of yourself – can bring relief from chronic pain?
You might have been taught that kindness means softness, weakness. Or you might find it difficult to be kindness to yourself when you are in pain. However challenging it is, studies suggest that mindful self-compassion can result reduced pain, anxiety, stress and depression.
Mindful self-compassion when dealing with chronic pain
- It helps you be accepting of your experience, however unpleasant. No one is asking you to like pain but by practicing acceptance, you avoid some of the anxiety and anger that can accompany the physical sensations.
- When you are more compassionate, it also helps you step back from judgements, particularly those which are harsh, critical and unhelpful. You will still make judgements but you will be better able to notice them. And not get so caught up in unhelpful thinking that does not take you in the direction you want to go.
- You stop believing everything your mind says. You are not your thoughts or your emotions. Noticing this and letting things go helps reduce stress, which in turn makes it easier for your body to devote the necessary energy to healing.
- You are human – not perfect and not broken either. You do not need fixing. Kindness allows you to be more at ease with doing your best and taking whatever steps you can, in the direction of being more relaxed in your mind and body.
- Forgive yourself for what you did not understand in the past. You cannot change it. And self-compassion can help you be less depressed by the past, or anxious about the future.
Five ways to practice mindful self-compassion
Being kind to yourself is not always easy – you could feel it will make you lazy or stop you improving. However without care for yourself, it’s hard to be sufficiently at ease for pain to reduce. And even harder for you to bring kindness to anyone else.
Here are five ways to practice mindful self-compassion in your daily life.
- Adopt a friendly tone of voice towards yourself. Get good at being your own cheerleader-in-chief. If you are not sure what this would sound like, ask a good friend what they would say to you. Or imagine how someone who loved you would talk to you.
- Learn to balance acceptance with challenge. Find that sweet spot where you are challenged enough to be excited and energised but not overwhelmed. Get used to having your own back.
- Practice a compassion-focused meditation. There’s an example, The Compassionate Self, here.
- Listen to your body and respect its needs for sleep, nutrition and hydration. Drink the extra glass of water, eat more fruit and/or vegetables and commit to a regular sleep cycle. No therapy or medication will do for you what looking after your health day in, day out will achieve.
- Put yourself first. It isn’t selfish, it’s essential. Carve out some time regularly to do something just for yourself. It could be reading a book, listening to music, going for a walk. Whatever you know provides you with a greater sense of calm, make time for it.
The more you practice self-compassion for yourself, the easier you will find it to be compassionate towards others, too.
If you think mindfulness might help you, I’d love to chat. Please get in touch for a complimentary consultation.
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