Non-judgement is one of the seven attitudes of mindfulness. And it can be a powerful one to practice when you get caught out by unexpected events, feelings and emotions.
At first glance, it is a misnomer. You make judgements all the time – so how can you practice non-judgement? By cultivating awareness of your judgements, and understanding how judgements trap you in automatic reactions and limit your options and choices.
Understanding non-judgement – noticing your labels
Judgements are not bad in and of themselves, but they are just thoughts. And they can mislead you. When something happens, you can assume you know what it means, and react accordingly. But what if you are wrong? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you have reacted with anger, or fear, only to realise later that what happened was for the best?
Your mind is good at thinking it knows more than it does. It makes meaning out of fragments of information – leaving you anxious and distressed, to no benefit.
Consciously slowing down
When you practice noticing your judgements, you create the space and time to refrain from habitual reactions. This slowing down helps you have more options and can stop you making the same mistakes repeatedly.
Initially you may find it hard to know what to do when you suspend acting on ‘automatic pilot’ – but the act of stopping, not reacting, is a mindfulness practice. Try using The Breathing Space meditation to help create the gap an event, a feeling, and your reaction.
Five ways to practice non-judgement
- Become aware of your judgements. For one day, make notes on paper, or in your phone, every time you label something as good, bad or neutral. And every time you think you know how a scenario is going to end.
- Notice how you judge yourself – write in a journal your own self talk. Maybe start with your meditation practice. There may be days you think it is a waste of time, or boring. See if you can notice these judgements without getting caught up in them. If you find your self-talk is very critical, try talking to yourself as your best friend would.
- Think back to a time when you were anxious about something that went much better than you expected. Or where a seeming mistake turned out for the best. Reviewing such events can help you have greater confidence in yourself and stay calmer in the moment.
- When a judgement arises, good or bad, notice how it feels in your body. Notice where you feel it, and in what way. Learn to tune in to the body sensations that accompany your judgements.
- Take a step back – when you find yourself being judgemental, stop and practice being accepting, of yourself and others. Wait to make any response. Give yourself time to consider acceptance, and compassion, for yourself and others.
Reacting on automatic pilot and making judgements will not just go away. This is normal. Our minds are constantly looking out for danger and problems, so be gentle with yourself. You do not have to have all the answers today.
If you find yourself getting caught up in judgements, try this meditation to help you develop awareness.
