New year, new resolutions, a new you. Sound familiar? The beginning of a new year is often a time to reflect on how far you have come, and what you want to see from the months ahead. It is never too late to start creating a future in tune with your values – and mindfulness helps you create the life you want.
Mindfulness encourages you to bring openness and curiosity to your every day. No moment is quite the same as any other, and in an increasingly unpredictable world, being able to be creative, as in flexible and adaptable, is a core life skill.
For women in particular, the menopause is a time of great transition. And it is a time for conscious change, to use your wisdom and experience to design your future the way you want it to look. A rebirth if you like, or a ‘coming home to yourself’.
Create the life you want: getting out of automatic pilot
Part of the skill in creating the life you want is to be able to stop habitual patterns of thinking and behaviour.
Your brain is great at taking fragments of information and filling in the gaps to create a whole. And thinking it knows more than it does. Your automatic pilot is useful for helping you do regular tasks, for example like the multiple skills needed to drive a car. But it is the enemy of creativity because it traps you into always thinking and responding in habitual ways.
And habits of self-criticism, and a fear of being judged, can make it difficult to create a new way forwards.
Two attitudes of mindfulness can be very helpful in stopping your automatic pilot taking you off course. They are Beginner’s Mind and Non-judgement.
Five ways having a Beginner’s Mind can help you
Beginner’s Mind is the art of approaching situations as if seeing them for the first time. Your expectations, beliefs, parenting, education, and cultural background all influence you, to the extent that you both see and hear what you expect to be there.
- Take up a new hobby or activity. And keep notes on your self-talk as you practice. Do you make assumptions even before you start about whether you will be any good? Or whether you will like it?
- Do something you routinely do, but in a different way. If you use a mouse with your computer, move it to the opposite side of your desk, for example. Or try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand. Notice and acknowledge how this feels.
- When you feel yourself going down a familiar path of reaction, try the STOP practice.
- Listen to someone without interrupting, with a view to seeing the world from their point of view.
- Try walking mindfully to appreciate the wonder that is standing upright – something you normally take for granted.
All these are ways to get curious about your experience and understand how your expectations and beliefs limit your options.
Five ways Non-judgement can help you
You make judgements all the time. Non-judgement is the art of noticing you have labelled something as good or bad, and not responding to that label. When you make habitual judgements, it traps you into mechanical reactions, the opposite of creativity.
- Ask yourself if you have ever been anxious about something that turned out better than expected? Or where a seeming mistake worked out well with hindsight?
- Practice noticing judgements – good and bad – when and how you make them. How often? What happens if you decide the event in question is neutral? What happens if you do not second guess what will happen next?
- Acknowledge your feelings. When you make a judgement, where do you notice the judgement in your body? Sometimes our bodies are easier to tune in to than our minds and can alert you to judgements earlier.
- Focus on what could go right, rather than what could go wrong. Ask what steps you can take, rather than what the barriers and obstacles are.
- When you notice yourself being self-critical, change the tone. Talk to yourself as your best friend would – greater self-compassion makes it easier to stick with creating something new.
Mindfulness can help you with the change of perspectives often needed to create the life you want. Although it is simple, mindfulness is not easy. Be patient with yourself. Start with one breath, then the next.
